Don't Be Too Busy - It's the Little Things that Matter Most

So another week and so many not posting. Busy, I understand, I'm busy. Feel like there's nothing special happening, I understand, every day I clean and work until I'm exhausted. But I'm going to take a minute. I thought I would try to post photos this week since I"m here in Indiana with George.

Moments Matter - Yes, we want to achieve big things and dream big. I love sunsets and the end of a day with all it's magnificence. Often Dad will call me and tell me to walk outside. I'm so grateful he'll call. I'm even more grateful that he notices. The Beauty, The Moment.

Today I worked hard - went on a drive with George and Jamie, Target, Sam's Club, Michael's, the grocery store. We unpacked the dining room and finished the kitchen. I did four loads of laundry and made four loaves of chocolate chip banana bread (for neighbors and Jamie's doctors that have been so nice). But I looked out her kitchen window just as the sun was setting. She has two large oak trees that grow together and look like one tree. It's beautiful. There's still a few leaves on and many leaves all over the grass. If I look to the right I can see the sunset. It wasn't anything memorable, but it was precious. It felt good. I thought "I'm glad that Jamie can look out her kitchen window and see the sunset." It's a little thing.

As we were driving to a little town near by, Nashville, I did see something that was magnificent. It was a country road. It was a windy day, but not gusty. The leaves were falling like a soft snowfall. As we drove around a turn there was a wave of leaves that covered the whole road, rolling towards us. It moved and swirled like it had a life of its own. I wish I had been able to video it, but it was gone in a moment. It was a little thing.

I pick up George often just as he is waking up and letting us know that he needs us (well most often he needs his Mommy). As I pick him up he brings his elbows up by his face and arches his back, stretching. It's so cute and he's so into it, it almosts makes me sigh and stretch. I want to just hold him and squeeze him and love him. It's a little thing.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. It's suppose to rain and get colder. There will be more work. Jamie has her Spanish class a

Jumbled Puzzles.

So Halloween was this last week... definitely not my favorite holiday, but I am glad it's over!

School is going by so fast and it is making me nervous about being a big kid and graduated from college. I register this week for classes. I had an interview for a job (that I didn't even apply for but my teacher recommended me) this last week.

There just seems to be so much going on and too many options. I have been trying to focus on what my direction should be.

Life is good. Life is great! It's so different lately and it's weird being in Rexburg. I think part of it is that I have changed and then part of it is that Rexburg is different from before.

Dating is terrible... no promising prospects (sorry to Katie who wanted me married before she leaves on her mission haha).

I've just been struggling with my calling. I've been doing everything required but a lot of groups have some people that consistently don't come to FHE and they'll do things that they think those people would like to do or push the time to be later but they still don't come. I'm at a loss. Sometimes free-agency is terrible and you wish you could just force everyone to come! Haha but it's been different. As a missionary, you have a nametag on. People expect you to tell them churchy things and what they should and shouldn't be doing. Once you come home, they don't look at you the same. I can't just prance into an apartment and preach to them about how FHE is a commandment and they need to be going. I've had to think creatively about what I can do to help these people as part of my calling. I know the Lord will bless me with small ways I can help.

Anyway, this is so jumbled, but it goes along with how things are. My life is kind of all over the place even though it's going great!

I've just been grateful that inbetween all of my jumbled things going on that the Lord somehow shows me in the smallest ways how much I am loved. It is sometimes really small, but just a little reminder is all that is needed.

This last week, my roommate wrote me a nice note saying she looked up to me! It was just a nice reminder that the Lord is happy with what I'm doing and I couldn't tell you anything about the future, but I'm going to keep chugging along until I can solve the jumbled puzzle.

Making time for what's important and tears

So this week I'm not entirely sure what to write. George is growing and eating and pooping a lot and I love him a lot. A few random thoughts:

First tears. George is now crying real tears and it makes me cry. And as Jon put it, we had our first casualty yesterday. George has scratched his face and in two spots looks like he made himself bleed (not the casualty part) so I looked at his nails and several were long and scratchy. So I decided to cut them. I was trying so hard. It took me a few minutes to make the first cut and I was sure I had just the nail. I cut poor George and he started crying. I held him tight and started to cry too. I know (logically) that George will need to experience pain and struggle and cry and what not to grow. But there's a part of me that doesn't want him to experience any pain-especially pain caused by me. I'm sure it's inevitable. I'll likely hurt him again. I hope the first time his fingers get smashed in a door or something that it's not my fault. I may one day say something that hurts his feelings without meaning to. But I hope when I realize I've hurt this guy, or even if I'm not the cause of it, that I'll be there to hold him. I'm sure Mom has felt this way as well as Dad and our Heavenly Parents and Jesus.

Second- trying not to be busy. The first part of George's life has been hectic. His mom is tired and recovering, although I'm able to carry him IN his car seat now and the diaper bag too. But on top of the normal stuff, we flew across the country, got him used to a pacifier (which I don't think is bad but all the new parenting books would disagree with how young we did it), gave him his first bottle, left him for the first time for two hours, packed and moved and cleaned. Granted I didn't do most of that but I was trying to help and it meant that we were always on the go and hoping he'd be asleep. So today I promised myself to focus on George and me. We've slept and talked and played on his tummy for tummy time, listened to some music, ate, changed his diaper and his clothes once from a blow out, and listened to a chapter from the book of Mormon, first in English and then in Spanish. I also managed to do some dishes and some Spanish homework during his last nap and if he stays asleep after I write this, I'm taking another nap. I'm trying to make sure I'm not too busy for George. After today I'll need to find a balance of George time and working and cleaning but today has been nice to just do little but spend time with George.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Looking out Jamie's kitchen window

Twin Oaks

It's November. Halloween is over. Yay! Now it's time for an Attitude of Gratitude. Time to get ready for the holidays - Thanksgiving and Christmas!

Dan loves me even though I'm fat and it's not easy to love myself. He believes in me and thinks I can do anything. Sometimes it's hard because I feel...maybe taken for granted, but he honestly thinks I'm so wonderful that I CAN do anything. I'm grateful for that.

I have too many flaws to be perfect. But I have too many blessings to be ungrateful. I am a SWAN (And I have children that remind me of that) and I can be beautiful in my imperfections.

As I've gotten older I've learned to look at trials differently. I see how past trials were challenges and then they became strengths and now they are a blessing. I'm grateful for my trials and the ability to overcome trials.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. I've learned that if you watch yourself carefully and change when things first start churning, it is much easier. I remember reading the Book of Mormon and having a "Softened Heart" always stood out. (This time reading it's funny. What stands out is how many times Nephi points out "He/We dwelt in a tent". Don't know what the lesson to learn on that is. Haha). I'm grateful for my home. I remember praying to have my heart softened. I practiced it and found how easy it was to change, when the thoughts appear and you include the Lord. Sometimes we don't like change. I know today is Daylight Savings and it will be getting dark much sooner. It will take me a few weeks to get used to it. But aren't we glad we can change? Aren't we glad that we have the choice? We may not be able to change the situation, but we can change the way we react to the situation. We choose to be happy. We choose to love. We choose to forgive. We choose to serve the Lord. And as we change, we choose to become better and better.

So this week I left George to come back home. It took me a little by surprise when I got choked up leaving. I had to go into the restroom and cry in one of the stalls for just a minute. It's ok and I'm grateful to be a Grandma. He's so cute and I'm grateful that I could be there to visit and to love and help and support. I'm grateful that I can work and make a difference.

I'm grateful when my children (Carly, Cassie, Katie, Jamie and Michelle) will send a text or call. I'm glad that they see the importance in keeping connected. It makes me happy. It makes me feel loved.

I'm grateful that I think to serve others and help others. It reminds me how much I love others. I've enjoyed cleaning Julie's room and it feels good. I love to see all of you caring for others.

Gratitude makes me a happy person. I choose to be grateful. Life is Good!

xo Mommy