Are We Not All Beggars?

So, I just had an interesting experience this past week

- that was a little tender mercy to me in a very odd way. I am going to a Chanukah party tonight and was going to bring something- but I needed some stuff so to the store I went. Got all my stuff for the party food and then oreo peppermint bark for a Holiday party at Eden's and for the RS sisters. I finished paying and went to put the cart away as Amy finished buying hers. There was a 40ish year old man grabbing a cart and I just say, "Hi," cause we made eye contact. Then he sarcastically says, "Oh, you must be another married Mormon girl." I chuckled, quickly thinking should I be concerned if this guy is hitting on me... and say, "Actually, no I am single." He looked a bit startled and replies, "No, what happened to you?" Me- "Well, I went on a mission and haven't found the right one yet." Then, he goes on and one about his 4 kids, how he has been divorced, how hard it has been for him, he served a mission... half the time I couldn't understand what he was saying and by now I could smell alcohol and smoke on him. He just needs to talk- he mentions how he isn't a celestial person and that broke my heart. I remind him that he can become one- it is all about progression and becoming better little by little. We tried to leave a few times but he just kept talking, at one point he teared up. But when we finally were leaving, he thanked us for stopping to talk, when most people would just walk away. I don't know if he will remember anything we talked about but I hope he does. I hope that he remembers that he can change and is a son of God. I hope he remembers 2 single Mormon girls that stopped to talk that didn't judge. I wondered how many girls and would have hated that experience... I loved it! Amy didn't. It makes me sad that so often we loose sight of the big picture, we don't remember in the pre existence we were all friends and family who loved each other and then we come here to Earth. One bad decision and you are no longer my brother. I know sometimes I fall short and have a judgmental thought but I hope that little by little they will be less until they are gone. Sometimes, I am walking home and realize that I am not smiling, in fact, Im probably looking a little pissed off at who knows what, nothing important thats for sure. Then a thought comes to mind that was given in a conference, "The world has enough rough hard and hateful people; what we need is someone soft and quiet spoken open to loving others."
     This past weekend was our ward christmas party and we had a talent show- I made the effort to sit with a girl i didnt know and then invite everyone that came in to sit at our table. I really got to know some people and it was really fun. I performed my animal noises and now everyone knows me for them. They liked the switch up. Then the last act was supposed to have everyone start dancing... 5 of us did. A kid name Craig came and grabbed me and then a few people followed. Why are we so concerned with what people think- I thought it so dumb that the other 30 people wouldn't come dance. They would rather watch someone make a fool of themselves than be caught having fun? I am glad that sometimes I get over my stupid fear and just do it. I may not like it, but I am sure glad that I didn't just watch it fall. Then at the end, Bishop gave a spiritual thought on Christmas and talked about Elder Holland's talk, "Are We Not all Beggars?" ( I would advise reading it or watching it again cause it is amazing). He talked about how he was able to help someone this year as he ate lunch he saw a rougher looking man with a beard that reminded him of Santa, who was looking for cans and rummaging through various trash cans. My Bishop remembered that his office recycles and ran up and grabbed the bag full of cans and came back to the street as the man was walking away he shook the bag. Of course the homeless man heard the cans and turned and graciously accepted the cans. It wasn't much- it took a total of 5 minutes.  I thought of the man I had talked to. Are we not all beggars? I may be begging for something different than him; but, I am still begging. I need salvation just like him and I can't think that I am somehow better off- I have not earned my way to Heaven. Wether it is by 10, 15 of 50 feet we will All still be short of Heaven and be pleading for help up. I hope that I can be an instrument in raising even just a few of my brothers and sisters a little bit higher.
    After the Christmas party I came home and made chocolate oreo peppermint bark. It took a long time but I wanted the RS sisters to know that we loved them. It was a big hit and mom taught me to always find a way to relate it to the lesson. So I thought of the candy canes as my symbol. Mosiah 14:6 says, "All we, like sheep, have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way; and the Lord hath lad on him the iniquities of us all...Because he hath poured out his should unto death; and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he vote the sins of many, and made intercession for the transgressors." We all go astray, we all make mistakes BUT Christ is always there to bring us back in. He reaches out and hooks us with His cane and guides us back to the fold. Other times it is a friend that brings us back. So, I challenged the sisters to find someone that they could bring closer to Christ as they themselves remembered the Saviors gift and Atonement this time of year. I thought of the man at the grocery store. I lifted him as much as I could, and I hope I don't pass by the opportunities to give 5 minutes or whatever it takes to help another. Merry Christmas!!!

Following the spirit

So I'm starting this on Sunday and we've had a busy time. Lots of errands this week. We also got Christmas presents from grandma Patsy! Just in case any were bigger jon had her ship them here. We haven't had much self control. I will say George loves one of his toys, or loves me when I'm playing with it? Anyways, I'm probably bringing that one with us, we'll see. And I got a nice camera to take pictures of George with. I haven't had time to charge it or see if it needs batteries yet. Friday we had Friday forum (institute) and our young married institute class that Jon and I were in charge of conducting. There are a few other babies in the class. As a testament of how cute George is, in Friday forum, there's this guy, Curtis Crafton, who has 4 of his own cute kids, and he says, "I need to hold him. Can i?" And then this guy Ross Coughanhour, (coke-an-hour), who has three of his own cute kids, stole him from Curtis. Most guys don't get baby crazy like us girls do, and they both have "babies" of their own (the Crafton's is one and the Coughanhour's is younger), and they still wanted to hold George. Curtis even got a laugh out of George. Maybe unfortunately, more people watched George than the general conference talk.

Saturday, jon got an oil change and I lost track of time snuggling and talking to George. When Jon got back I had to hurry and get ready. We, with the institute choir were singing and ringing a bell for salvation army outside of the sears in the mall. George was good, slept and let me bounce him and hold him. (Also, we were behind on dishes. Important to the rest of our Saturday. ) Then home and the sister missionaries were coming at 5:30 to make chocolate chip cookies, eat dinner and then go caroling to a few less actives, a few investigators and some of our neighbors. Well we got home and after having tried a few times, realized our  dishwasher is broken- the soap dispenser won't open and still won't clean the dishes even if we leave the dispenser open, so we were still handwashing dishes when the sisters came.

The sisters came and we went caroling, bearing gifts. That went well, and we met an investigator of the elders (the sisters work with the less active wife) and some less actives.

Sunday, we got ready, then went early for choir for our ward's Christmas program. We left immediately after sacrament and drove to Illinois where Jon's children's choir had their winter concert. Then before that was over but after they performed we drove straight back for our stake's Christmas program. Then we met with the stake president and I got to talk briefly to a few people. Then home before 10. Oh and George had his first blow out at church. I thought it was just a dirty diaper, so in between musical numbers I went to change him, but I didn't grab the whole diaper bag or his change of clothes, so he went back in, mostly naked where I changed him in a corner, in my lap.

News: George has rolled over twice, but definitely is scooting. He has slept through the night twice now and tonight he sleet for a good 7 hours straight.  :-) course I'm still waking up, but soon. I might get normal sleep again soon.

Spiritual thought: our married institute class was on the guidance of the spirit. We talked about different things, one was on how we remove our personal feelings from the equation so we can decipher the spirit. He didn't have a direct answer but it made me reflect. When our personal feelings are opposite our answer, I think it's easy to decipher, because we don't want to "give ourselves" certain answers. Example: on my mission my companion and I prayed to know what to do. The prayer ended, we sat in silence for a short time and then my companion says, "what do you feel we should do? " my response: "I don't want to say, what do you feel we should do?" The response, "I don't want to say either. Alright, on the count of three ". The answer was tracting. So we prayed about a street. It was an unusually slow day. Most of the time we would see a lot of people who were busy or not interested, this time no one seemed to be home. It was such a strong answer and I started to wonder if we were only tracting to show our obedience. We decided to do three more houses, after an hour of just walking and knocking on empty homes. THE LAST house, Isaac came to the door. He was my only baptism from tracting. He happened to be black, and most wards had a hard time fellowshipping them. But Isaac was different. I didn't keep in contact, he liked to fall in love with the sisters and wanted several to come back and marry him, but I later talked to a member of the ward who said he was active, he had the Priesthood, he was the ward's favorite convert, and since he had shown diligence in riding his bike to church every week (even as an investigator) and it was over an hour bike ride, the ward chipped in and got him a car. Other examples of the spirit in my life include mooching to indiana. We were both fasting on whether to move to Camarillo or woodland hills or Moorpark, or another surrounding city. Walking into church I felt, maybe Bloomington. After church jon tells me,  "earlier today I was thinking and I would like you to consider Bloomington as a possibility." Sometimes the answer isn't something we dread, like tracting, but sometimes it comes from almost nowhere and is unexpected. These answers are easier to decipher than the ones I'm about to talk about. (Bloomington has been a huge blessing for us, even though we want to end up near family. We know we are meant to be here.)

Lastly, deciphering the spirit when we aren't sure if our desires are our answer or not. Thesev are the hardest-is  it the spirit or we just want it to be? On my mission we were once walking in the ghetto trying to contact a few people we had met previously. Every now and then my imagination will run wild. What if the spirit warned me of something and I left, but knew what I had left-i could have a great story to tell later. What if a tornado blew through and I saw it? Well I don't remember what, but my imagination was thinking about something where I started to want to leave. But I thought I was just scaring myself, so I didn't mention anything to my companion, but I did say a silent prayer as I continued walking. I asked for a sign, and in my prayer I said i wasn't asking  for a sign for belief, but I just wanted to know if He wanted me to leave or if I wanted to leave, I needed a little extra help knowing if it was actually an answer. I don't believe asking for reassurance about an answer is wrong, as long as we aren't trying to change the answer. I also feel we can ask for that radiance to come in a different way (though we can't just ask for a Joseph Smith experience and expect one). Kinda of like the bible has a few witnesses in the new Testament,but the book of Mormon, from a different continent helps solidify or testimony. Well, back to the example, here's the part I've shared before. A guy came out waving around a rifle, very carelessly. I looked at my companion. No words were spoken. There was no fear. But I knew that was my answer. We did not belong there at that time. (We did, later have a convert from that complex, but we weren't on our way to see her that night). With deciphering answers- pray. Think of everything Christ has done for you. Reflect on past answers. Consider your options. Make a choice. Then consider an option you don't especially want, humble yourself and be ready to accept and follow it. Ask if the decision you made its wrong, and keep mentally prepping yourself to follow the answer you don't want. In this humble state, where I'm ready to receive and act on the answer i don't want is when I get my strongest answers-and sometimes they are what I want. And if you start to doubt if it was really an answer, read D&C 6 and remember your answer. Ask to feel that way again for reassurance if it's right. Don't ask for a different answer (we all know that ends badly) but all for the reassurance that will give you the courage to follow your answer. May we all follow the spirit this Christmas season. And now, I feel I should close in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. (And with a few pictures of George.)

Thoughts at Christmastime

I've been writing down notes in my phone during the week of things that have impressed me. These are a few of those notes.

You can't give the Spirit of Christmas. We can give gifts that represent our love for each other or actually shows how we want to take care of each other and make each other happy through our wants. But that is not the Spirit of Christmas. We can have the Spirit of Christmas and it may come through song or service, but it can't be given away, maybe shared. The thought came to me that the Spirit of Christmas is something you have to look for. You have to desire it. Each person has to attain it for himself, almost like a testimony.

It's easy to give, but ESPECIALLY at Christmas it is SO important to RECEIVE. I've said that there are two kinds of people in this world "Givers" or "Takers" and I've always wanted to be a "Giver". Well, I've been thinking a little different. I want to be a "Giver" and I want to be a "Receiver" - still don't desire to be a "Taker". Somehow that seems prideful and being a "Receiver" requires humility and contentment and gratitude. He has so much to offer us - not to take, but to receive.

Christ was the first gift and it was given by Heavenly Father. Through his life he gave love, life, peace and hope.

True happiness only comes from making someone else happy.

The way to Bethlehem was not easy. It was a rough road. They were tired and I'm sure somewhat discouraged, but they were never lost and never forgotten by our Father in Heaven. Sometimes life can seem like the road to Bethlehem.

Shepherds were followers just like we are. They were told "Fear Not, I bring you good tidings of great joy for unto you is born this day in the city of David and this shall be a sign you shall find a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger". They saw. They heard. And then the important part, They Went in HASTE. They had to follow. They had to search and find. The Shepherds went to worship. How do we worship? Do we worship by the hustling and bustling of shopping or decorating? Or do we worship by Sharing the Spirit of Christ, by lifting the heavy hearted, by following the Spirit when it is so strong this time of year. Don't push it aside. It is the very essence of the season.

I was thinking of the passover and when Christ washed and anointed the apostles feet. Think about letting someone wash your feet. Now think about the Savior washing your feet.  I don't have words to express the feelings.

During the Passover Christ instigated the sacrament. I'm sure the apostles didn't fully understand it's meaning, but they felt something and knew it was holy. They did it without knowing. Sometimes we may have to do things that we don't know, but we feel.

I'm trying to remember to drop the "mas" (meaning "more") in Christmas.

And last but not least I wanted to share a little tender moment. I struggle sometimes wondering if I should make changes. I don't think like others and I don't fit in easily. I want to do what the Lord wants me to do and not what is necessarily easy. I sense I have many talents, but I often wonder if I use them. Should I be doing other things and have a bigger impact on others? I haven't felt like I've been understood by the Church. I don't fit in the mainstream so my needs don't get addressed. I don't scream and whine for affirmation. Well I was listening to an old Christmas devotional and the words "And her name shall be Mary". I've heard those words many times. They had a huge impact on me as I realized I was receiving revelation. Her name was Mary and God knew her and loved her. My name is also known and he loves me too. It doesn't really matter if anyone else knows me or loves me. It brought peace and comfort that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings. It reminded me of the love my Heavenly Father has for me.

Maybe these words will give you an idea. Share your thoughts - or even just one thought.

Love you. Merry Christmas!

xo Mommy