Cookie jar, no Savior

Well, we got back from Utah and George's schedule has been messed up, I've been very tired and one day I felt sick, like pregnancy morning sickness but I don't think it's possible. If I'm pregnant, it's only by a few days, and morning sickness last time didn't start till over a month in. But that's what it felt like. So this week has been pretty lazy for the most part but we had three options to fast about today. 1- move to Utah, apply for jobs, try to set up a music studio and hope we can afford monthly bills but we'd be close to family. 2- fort Wayne (jon auditioned there but they're desperate for a tenor and have increased their salary). We really liked it there. 3- the lady jon works for in Bedford pulled jon into her office and said she wants to sell us her business (have us take over). She's getting ready to retire and wants it to keep going. We like Bloomington and its stable income, we have to consider it, if only to discover what's really right for us. If another job we apply for elsewhere accepts jon we'll have to pray about that too, but just 3 for now.

Today was really busy for us. Left for 9 am church, warmed up lunch for George there after church, left for Illinois for two recitals there (about 2 hour drive each way) came back for stake choir, stayed after for a small group practice of another piece. Missed Christmas devotional, I'll probably watch it tomorrow if I can, then stayed to help another musical number. Got home at 9:45.

George has been biting and hitting a lot but is still mostly good and fun. He has new dance moves, likes the wiggles, Christmas songs and dancing on things (toilets, chairs, coffee tables. ..) I have a cupboard for him with snacks and sometimes he'll go into the kitchen and bring something back for me to open. The other day he vanished into the kitchen and it got really silent. I was about to go check on him when he comes walking back. .. with a rice Krispy treat in his hand and a smile on his face. Our home teachers brought us some goodies in a box. We left it on the kitchen table. So George climbed on the chair and then reached up, tipped over the box, looks like he tried the gingerbread man before deciding on the rice Krispy treat. So moral of the story: George stole the cookies from the cookie jar!

Spiritual thought: the church has a new Christmas movie out. It starts with having you imagine a world without a Savior. Without a Savior there is no hope. The beginnings of my personal testimony (like when it became my own and not just what I'd been taught) stayed like this. I read the book of Mormon before I started seminary. I got to Moroni's Promise and thought about those things and then started imaging that it wasn't true. I pictured a very bleak and hopeless world. I made a conscious decision that even if it wasn't true I wanted the things I learned in church to be true. I decided to have hope. And from that hope, I planted my first seed, my very own seed. Reflecting on everything I'd been taught before and learning new things helped my faith grow. Mom wrote in her blog this week that it's all about perspective. It's hard to prove spiritual things. If you've decided one way or another, you're going to see things that way. That's the way it is in the church. Those with strong testimonies hear new policies, and even if they don't understand it, they're looking for ways it could be right instead of all the ways it could be wrong. We actually had an institute lesson on D&C 76 this week (the three kingdoms of glory) and we learned that Brigham Young struggled with it. He accepted it, but he I guess recorded that he read it several times, picking it apart before agreeing with it. It's ok to not understand everything the church does. But if we believe this Church is true, we should be seeking to understand how things that may seem harsh or maybe we don't understand, are the right things. Anyways, I'm thankful for our Savior. I'm thankful for the Church. I'm thankful for family and our perspective. I'm thankful for the hope and meaning this gospel gives to our lives. I know it's true.

No Greater Love than this...

I was thinking of Christ. At his crucifixion, I wonder if there were some who questioned. "If he's the Christ why doesn't he just save himself?" "Why wouldn't he save himself from this injustice?" Would I question? Would I wonder if this really was the Christ? Would my unbelief overtake my belief? Of course, from a much clearer perspective (Perspective really is everything), we see that this was the plan all along. That this is the way and death is not the end. It was the way to open the door to resurrection and eternal life. He gave his life for us, so we could live. He gave his life, to teach us, to show us the way, to heal us and to bless us. He loved us.

In John 15:13,14 it says, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends..."

Now I want to share an experience I had with Norma. She fought so hard. We all knew the end was coming - and a lot faster than we expected. I remember her having a doctor's appointment in a couple days and her being so weak. I remember going over one morning and she was standing in her bathroom by the closet. I recall saying to her that I could take her to her appointment and we could do a wheelchair and I could carry her, but is that what she REALLY wanted. Wouldn't she rather spend time at the beach and doing other things. I remember her starting to sob "How can I quit? I can't let the kids down." I remember hugging her and crying with her and telling her "You haven't quit and you aren't losing. You are a winner. You have won." I remember saying all the right things, but at the time it didn't seem like the right thing, even though with every ounce of faith I knew it was. 

So today, when these thoughts have come into my mind, of Christ and Norma I have a broader perspective. Christ loved us and spent his life for us. Norma too, gave her life to us in such a special way, in her way. No greater love is there than this. She did win. She lived her life as Christ did. Nothing else matters.

I hope I am doing the same. I am not perfect, but my love of the Savior, Jesus Christ is real. I may not always see and I may not always hear, but I do believe. 

And I am giving my life to you kids, because ye are my friends and I do love you!