So my thoughts this week started as a result of a moment looking at George and realizing, "he's mine. This precious baby is mine. I'm not babysitting. This is my own." From there my thoughts went backward. When things broke off with Clint, even though I broke it off, it still hurt. I asked for a dream to give me hope. I got one but it was weird and I only understood it when praying about it later. In that dream I was told, in effect, that who I would marry was not ready yet and that my family would support me until then. When I got that answer, Jon's struggles were at a climax.
Years later, Jon is engaged but praying about it and gets an answer that he should be looking in Utah for his future wife (so he should obviously break things off with his current fiance). He didn't know a better way than online. I meanwhile had recently been impressed to get an online dating account. A stake president said if our spouse is our number two priority in life, we should at least be looking for our number two. I felt I had no time to look and decided to let eharmony do the hard work of finding and I'd do the fun part of getting to know them and dating. For three months I paid to be matched up with others in Utah or California, and then they charged me for a fourth month and since I had already paid I figured I'd expand my search to anywhere in the world, thinking, "if it's meant to work out, someone will be able to travel". The next day Jon and I were matched.
There have been many things that make us compatible. We both like cooking and eating. We both like in n out but don't think it's all it's cracked up to be and the only way to eat their fries is animal style, otherwise they taste like cardboard. We both like to sing even though we have different tastes in music. When Jon first asked I said I liked and enjoyed almost anything... except for screaming and Opera. Jon prefers classical (including opera) and classic rock best and then jazz. And most important to me was he passed my test on eharmony. I had found that members could be on different spiritual levels. So I would ask potential dates, "do you watch r-rated movies and why or why not?" Everyone has their faults but I wanted to know their attitude towards what many consider to be a smaller commandment and one where the blessings from being obedient are not obvious. I didn't care so much if they watched r-rated movies, but more about their attitude. If they did without seeing a problem, that was a problem to me. If they did but tried not to because the prophet said not to, that was the attitude I was looking for. Jon had not been perfect but said he knew what the prophet said and was trying to be more obedient. Jon was far from perfect, but he wanted to be more obedient. That was what mattered to me. Someone who would listen to the prophets, even on smaller matters and try to become better.
I knew marrying Jon was right, though it hasn't always been easy and there have been times when we've done things that made it harder for us. But despite knowing it was right, there was part of me that felt like Jon was just one of possibly many options that were a good match for me. Since meeting Jon I have felt lucky to have found him, and have seen the Lord's hand in several things.
But with George I have realized something more. Jon was always the one I'd end up with. I have seen another sign of the Lord's hand in bringing us together. When people said how cute George was and how he looked just like me or like a Lang baby, it made me sad that there wasn't more of Jon that people saw. But Jon recently told me that he knew he'd have a son because he knew a son has been with him and watching over him over the years, like a guardian angel. George is a family name that he had had picked out for years. When George was born I said I felt that George should be the name of his son that he has felt with him and to pray and see if that son was now on earth. We prayed and Jon feels strongly that this is 'his' son- the one who has watched over Jon. But the other day as I looked at George, thinking, this guy is mine and realizing how much he looks like me, I know that Jon and I were meant to be. My son, that looks like me is also Jon's son who has been watching over him, possibly since before I was born. My son made sure we found each other and that Jon was on the right track, or at least closer to it. My son helped him find me. My son had watched over him until he met me. My son knew that things would be alright soon and we'd be sealed soon and that he could now come to earth.
And this past week with mom here has been good, in many ways. She has helped out with moving and cleaning and organizing and decorating and hard labor and some fun on the side. But she also reminded me that Jon loves me. Sometimes he doesn't show it the way I want him to, but he does things for me. Mom pointed out that he made me breakfast the other day and pointed out how special that was. She mentioned not knowing if dad had ever made her breakfast. Granted, cooking is something Jon is good at and enjoys and not one of dad's strengths. Regardless, Jon made me eggs, bacon and french toast (my favorite breakfast dish-mainly the French Toast, although I like all that he made). He did something for me because he loves me. I have to try and look for the things he does for me instead of the things I want him to do. And breakfast really is a thoughtful gesture since nursing makes me hungry but I wouldn't make the time to make myself a complete breakfast. And on top of it, he woke up earlier than me to do it and didn't harass me for sleeping longer (since waking up with a newborn, even a good one, is still tiring).
This week I'm grateful- for mom, for jon, for George and for George watching out for his dad until he found me and until we were on track to be sealed, so he, and also we, could have an eternal family.
And of course, now it's picture time. There's one of me as a baby and then the others should be obvious.
