Different Directions

We are all going in different directions in our lives and we are in a transitional period in our family. It made me think of Sariah when Nephi and his brothers went back to Jerusalem to get the plates.

1 Nephi 5:1-2 states
And it came to pass that after we had come down into the wilderness unto our father, behold, he was filled with joy, and also my mother, Sariah, was exceedingly glad, for she truly had mourned because of us.

For she had supposed that we had perished in the wilderness; and she also had complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness.

She was truly worried about the well being of her sons and was missing them. Yet we can see that they were doing a good thing in getting the plates. We are all doing good things in our lives, and we need to rejoice in each other's successes. We may be separating and going different ways for a little bit, but just like Nephi's family we will be together soon. We have a journey before us, but our journey apart will end soon, our journey together is far from over. We have so much to be happy for, we have a great family to be with for eternity.

Steep Slants

This last week was kind of crazy, but on Sunday we had a lesson on commandments. Ken drew a picture about how if you follow the 2 most important commandments, then you are at the top in the middle of a flat plane. The the next layer is slanted and the next slanted even more. He taught us how the more serious the sin, the steeper the hill which makes it harder to overcome. I just thought that was a cool way of thinking about it.

Doubt your Fears

Reality is a hard world to live in.

Life is always full of new adventures and tasks and trials.

I have been thinking about the last months since I have been home and I don't think I have completely come back to reality. Don't get me wrong, going to Jerusalem was an amazing experience and I would not trade it for anything, but I didn't have to go back to reality and face the fact that my life is moving on and that is ok.

I think what scares me the most about the future is that it is the unknown. I cannot see what is going to happen. I was worried that things wouldn't work out. I don't think that everything is just going to go completely wrong, but I just kept thinking about everything that could go wrong.

I realized that I was putting my fear first. One thing that stuck out to me from one of the conference talks was to doubt your fear before you doubt your faith.

I decided to stop. Stop thinking about everything that could wrong. Stop worrying. It wasn't getting me anywhere. In fact, it was only making things worse.

I think it's something that we will face all of our lives. New things will always be happening. School, Missions, Marriage, Children, Children moving away, Grandchildren... live is kind of about the changes we make.

Having faith is what truly makes the difference. Will our fears hinder us? Or will we have the courage to doubt our fears and trust in our faith.

I am grateful that this gospel helps me to choose my faith over my fears.

Not Ready for Goodbye

So this past week has been really hard with saying goodbye to everyone. Right now I try to just not think about it. This past week I've been able to spend a lot of time with Mom and that's been my favorite part of the week. I love Mom and I don't want to leave her, mainly cause I know her life will be so much more boring without me.

I'm grateful for the friends I have made this last year. They have changed my life, well at least helped my perspective and realize I can change lives. I am kinda like a superhero going around helping others have friends!!! Haha. I'm grateful to be able to see the change in people.

I love you all. Wish me luck packing today. I'm gonna need it.

Its Up to Me to Keep My Aloha!

    This week was hard for me. The first week back in school after the mission. I missed Hawaii so much- it was a place and an environment where I felt comfortable. Here I felt out of place- out of touch with old friends even when I saw them. I missed my family and ohanas! Moments of doubts- truly fancying the idea of running away back to Hawaii. Breathe- you got through the hard parts of a mission- you can get through this- it will just take time. I saw plenty of people that I new prior to the mission: Michael- a kid I went on one date with back in freshman year; a person I meet served in Peru and then walked me home; Cam and Vladi from Jerusalem took to me out to talk and catch up; Channing a random kid I asked to go on a date with me, Danny, Michelle, and others. It was all good moments but all ending feeling awkward. Moments where I felt me again were with Sister Duke, Curtis, and Marshal - they understood. They wanted to cry but were trying to be strong too. They still took their shoes off at the front door, said weird things, and peel because the air here hurts. By Sunday- I was not excited for church to say the least. I called Ace (a convert who has moved to Long Beach and gone less active) and told him that we both needed to go even though we didn't want to because we knew no one and it wasn't home. He said he would go. I messaged a few other families and wished them a happy sabbath. Found a friend from Hawaii on fb and sent him a message. I wished I was there.
    Church came and went. I tried to like it here but I didn't. I missed people saying aloha and waiting for a response- I missed little kids running up to me to give me a hug and then patiently wait until after the sacrament to draw in my journal. I missed being needed. I missed a lot and my attitude was just that focused on what wasn't mine anymore. Ward prayer that night became my own personal miracle. Walking there thoughts- too many people, wow is everyone here a fake blonde covered with way too much makeup, okay so those must be the football players because they are swarmed by all the girls. I am def loosing this fashion show and I dont even care... Amy, Kennedy and I sit on the back couch and feel a bit out of place- loner boy next to us with a hackie sac- announcements, some weird spiritual thought about a movie I have never seen, pray. Burst into loud noises, obnoxious giggles as everyone puts on their best behavior to impress anyone and everyone. Roommates stand up we talk for a sec they make a comment about how its clicky and we need an in to be able to talk to so and so... well we have 2 options people: sit and wait for someone to come talk to us (not a high probability of it happening) or we can go talk to them... loner kid (no i didnt actually call him that mom...;)) "Hi, Im Cassie. I haven't met you. Who are you?" blah blah blah. He hates people- I like him! I think he started warming up to us by the end of our 10 min conversation! Success 2 new friends- Cameron and Carlos. Im thirsty and there are cookies over there so of course I go and get some :) Tall handsome guy- he must be the football player- I walk away to go get water- come back he is still standing by my roommates and they are saying noting. Okay here it goes. "Hi, Im Cassie! Who are you?" blah blah blah... conversation ends- he leaves- and my roommates are ecstatic that they talked to him and he might remember their names... Your welcome.
    I am a returned missionary. I learned how to just talk to people and at the beginning of the week I felt awkward- I didn't know what to say. I still dont' but I have learned to just embrace the awkwardness! So what if I say something wrong. Who cares if I am that girl that always says, "On my mission..." Well guess what that is all I have been doing for the last 18 months and so ya that is what I am going to talk about. And guess what else- I want to stay awkward if that means that I get to keep sharing the gospel with others- if I get to keep feeling the Spirit like I did- if I get to keep being filled with love because I am extending it first. I like giving love and being loved. With that I love you! Alofa iate oe! Mahal kita! Poake poake yuk! Aishiteru! Narong heo! Ofa atu! Arohanui! Aloha wau ia oe!
    Love Always,
Cassidy Jean Lang
           

Baby is 37 weeks!

Alright, so recent updates with Jon and I. Things are going pretty well. Today Jon starts a new job that we're excited about. It's actually in Illinois but it will look really good on his resume when applying for future jobs (in California, Utah and Idaho) and it's worth the money. They're paying well enough to cover both his gas money and the time he'll spend commuting and still average more than the call center he works at. It's just one day a week but he'll be teaching at an actual Community College which will give him accredited "work experience" for better jobs in the future.  He's still also working hard at the call center- they've been good to him as far as being flexible and understanding and he got a small raise there on Friday!

We've had a headache trying to get me and the baby Medicaid, but hopefully that will pull through this week. I'm almost to the 'any day' point of my pregnancy. They say the first child is usually late but 95% of Moms give birth within 2 weeks of their due date. The two week before mark starts this Friday, so any day after that point, but still not likely until September 26th or after.  The baby is healthy with a good heartbeat and head down- ready to come out.

This Thursday I have some good friends here throwing me a baby shower and then this weekend I plan to go to Babies 'R Us to get some last minute purchases for the baby. We have a dresser (craigslist) and I've been going through and organizing the clothes (based on sizes) and the few toys and books we have. The room is currently a mess as Jon set up the crib on Saturday (YAY!) and we're debating moving the furniture around.  Now we just need a mattress! :)

We're getting excited and I'm getting just a little nervous (about the birth/labor) but that will only last a short amount of time and then we'll be good (but tired).

According to WebMD the baby is pretty much fully developed and as of Friday: "about 21 inches from head to toe and weighs almost 6.5 pounds [probably bigger because of genetics and gestational diabetes]. The baby is getting rounder every day, and skin is getting pinker and losing its wrinkly appearance."