This week has been busy like every other week. It started out with me feeling very apathetic about it all. I studied the first half of the week for my Intro to Organic Chemistry class- felt good about it. Took the test and walked out with a C. Sometimes i wonder if it is even worth studying! IT was kinda frustrating. After the other week with the boy I liked I tried to just see him as a friend. Well, it did not work. I saw him every day in class and then I think everyday after class to study for the test and a class that he had missed. I hate that I have to move forward, without him and I just really dont want to. It amazes me how much I am caught up in him and we have only been on one official date.
Sports- my soccer team got pumped up 2 division and I was pretty nervous for our game- we won 8-1 so I guess we belong there. I really like my team, they are good but also just fun. I showed m intertube waterpolo team the syncrinzed swimming caps and they love them. We won our first game. Then for wallyball we can only lose one more time. (I think that one I am the least committed to; but Eden gets pretty into it which is kinda funny).
It turned out for the better: this weekend I was supposed to go camping with Eden and Dakota right after I got out of the hospital on Friday. Well, I get a text from her right as I am walking into the hospital saying they cant go anymore; I was really bummed because I had all these great plans to get out of Provo a lot this semester and none of them have happened just because this semester had a lot of twists and turns and tears with it all. I ended up working late at the hospital late that day; BUT, I actually got to help on a procedure. I didn’t do much but all the nurses were occupied so I watched a super elderly lady when they weren’t in the room. I quickly loved her- she reminded me of grandpa and Norma- I got her water and had to help her drink it. Then I had to help get her in the bed, held her legs as the nurse put all the stuff on her wounds; then when we went to check on her bed sore we found a surprise and had to change a full diaper haha. It was really nice to be able to help- I really am glad that I did this. A little tender mercy to me was hearing the other nurses, med. techs, and receptionist honestly tell me how much they love me. Apparently the other volunteers are always trying to just do homework or counting the minutes until they can leave. I am constantly asking what can I do, do you need help?, cleaning something, and just hoping there is something for me to do. I wish I could do more. The nurse said that is why she felt comfortable asking me if I could help with the procedure because I actually want to be there. (I also tend to stay late; technically my shift ends at 4 but there is usually only a few more patients and so just stay and finish with everyone. It makes me laugh a bit because the volunteer office said that they could not write me a letter of recommendation because I am leaving early; but I wonder if they even talk to the people that I work with because they love me… I had another little scare- during the procedure I almost fainted again. I have noticed my heart rate is pretty low (like right now was 48beats/minute). I did not really too much before I worked, or maybe it was the smell and it is always warm in the clinic. So I am not sure. I feel fine when I am working out which I feel if it was an actual problem that I should have looked at then it would show up more when I am working out and running; but it is when I finally stop and am just observing- I dont feel like it is what I am seeing- though I have learned that I do not think that I want to be a surgeion- but maybe I am locking my knees. Well, something that I am going to have to watch…
So instead of going camping I made my own fun. The one boy told me that I should take his tent so I didnt have to share with a married couple. So he made fun of the fact that I did not know how to set up a tent- he showed me and then let me take it. Well, my pride was on the line so I set up the tent all by myself in my living room to make sure his tent did not go to waste and to prove that I could set up a tent! And YES I slept in it :) Though I am too bony and now have a bruise on my hip… I need to learn to sleep on my back I guess. I watched a movie in my fort about Hawaii- it was good and just good night of nothing! Then Saturday, a friend from the mission took me repelling! Oh my it is super fun :) I am a natural is what they told me and that I was ready to try canyoneering- not sure if dad knows what that is but I dont know if he would approve either. But I am going to go the next time they go! It is a little scary to get over the edge but then it is just fun :) Also, MIkaela and Brandon are going to take me rock climbing this coming friday which I am really excited for. Also, Mikaela is going to try and set me up with a boy that she works with, that might be good to help move forward. Cousins dinner is tomorrow- I figured since I didnt go camping I could organize this haha. but I am excited for it.
Well, I am trying to stay calm. If I start thinking about everything I get super overwhelmed; so instead I just try and stay focused on a few things. Accomplish them and then move on to the next thing. It was good weekend- I wish that I was home to see George! But I am doing much better than last week- getting out and doing something that I am only doing for fun is good for me. There is no obligation other than to enjoy myself- those moments are great! I still have no idea where my life is going but I just have to keep walking and know that it will end up a beautiful masterpiece! Aloha wau ia oe!