Family and Change can be Good

I want to take a minute. Thanksgiving weekend was great. To be with my sister and her family and my parents was the first in about 16 years. It wasn't for an event, but we actually got to spend time together. AND my family, all of us, were able to spend time together.
I know it wasn't always easy, but I also realize that all of us have been going through change this year. I think that we all are stretching and growing and sometimes that is unsettling and tiring and pushes us all to our individual edges (which changes from day to day). But we continue to love and support. That I know. We may hurt each other, we may feel unappreciated and taken advantage of, but that is never the intent. I know you all know that I love you, even in my imperfections.

George is one LOVED baby! Our "Big Fur Ball" (Jon's words, not mine). It was nice to be with our family and extended family and the Matthews family. It really made me realize how wonderful our families are. A very nice day, nice blessing, for one very nice baby!

When Jon's dad bore his testimony today he mentioned that he was grateful for the gospel, that made him more gentle, more accepting and more loving. That stuck with me because it's not what you often hear in a testimony. It made me think of the Book of Mormon and the love I have for that book. When I read and study that book, it sticks with me. It changes me and I know the spirit that it brings into my home and family when we read it. In the Book of Mormon it's all about reminding us to have a "soft heart" and when we have that the atonement will work in our lives. I guess it's all about change and I guess change is good.

So if change is good... Then it was a great weekend, a weekend of "Family" and everything that means. Now everyone is gone and we are waiting to return home tomorrow. It was good and in 3 weeks there will be change - a semester of school will be over (for the college kids) and we will be together again for Christmas! I think I like that kind of change:)

A Simple Miracle!

Yes I get to hold George first!!!! For a really long time :) Catching up on the blog was on my list so I am trying to be better I might do smaller posts but more often to make it up. A simple miracle describes today. Nothing huge happened but a lot of little things did. I woke up early after not really sleeping last night and went to breakfast to say goodbye to Mommy, Daddy and Julie. Had a normal day of classes but just felt happier today. (I think family was my rejuvenation!) These next 2 weeks will be kinda crazy with finals, projects due that I haven't started but thought of, applying for HEFY, figuring out Malawi, making sure that I am in the right major, should I double major, grad school, interns, what I want to do with my life, what will I do spring and summer, figuring out my schedule for next semester, if I get a job I want it to do with something that will benefit me and then still trying to be social, make friends and maybe go on dates... Oh and then I was feeling a bit guilty for not really staying in touch with people from the mission for a while.
Today I found out that one of my investigators that I had taught for about 7months finally got baptized over the weekend by one of my favorite elders. I was so happy for her! So I messaged her, then another woman that was less active. I read 3 articles and got 100% on the quizzes, finished a paper, had an appointment with a counselor (I found out that I would do well with military and landscape management, medical services would bring me the least satisfaction according to this test I took) Well, I realized that I am going to have to do a lot of research to figure it out. But now it is night and I am tired and still have more to do but I still feel happy- I didnt get everything done, but gosh I did a lot. I am in the process of applying for HEFY now and finishing up a blog post even if it isn't the greatest. I am very grateful for the family we have- we aren't perfect but we build a lot more often than we tear down. I love you all! Don't know what it is in the air but I feel a bit more optimistic about life even though I still have nothing figured out. To me that is a simple miracle! 

George for ransom

I've decided I'm holding George for ransom. Payment: blog post on how the last month has been for you. Reward: holding George.  Ideas for blog posts: DC, trip to Utah and Idaho,  dates, luau, car accidents, favorite general conference talk, job, etc. Who can resist a cute face like George's?

Life - Is not of this world. We need to do it the Lord's way.

Hanelei Bay-Bldg 9

Waimea Canyon

Cassie sent me a talk that she was giving in Sacrament last week. She said that she didn't feel like anyone was really listening. Are we sometimes like that?

Anyways, it got me thinking

We come to earth, we gain a body. It is an honor. We are given this body to use, to bless, to love, to purify. We are here to do God's work and have him work in us. As we do we strengthen and clean and purify our bodies. When we get to a certain time we are given gifts to help us stay strong and clean. The Endowment. As we keep our covenants we are shielded, protected from the world. We are blessed. Our outside bodies can remain clean. There is work to do on the inside. To take this body and to clean the heart with love. To purify the mind with light and truth. To let the blood of the atonement flow through us. To make forgiveness possible. To prepare ourselves to have charity, the pure love of God. Then in the end we will have made ourselves clean and pure, but still not perfect. We have bumps and scrapes and bruises for all the times we've fallen. We have areas of weakness that we did not sufficiently strengthen. As we follow the steps to his throne we will be guided, we will prove that we have done all we could and we will lay ourselves at the Savior's feet. We will let his cloak of mercy surround us. It will hide the bumps and bruises. It will be our final gift as we walk together side by side, I'm sure with the Savior's arm around our shoulder as He announces our return to Our Father. The Savior will remove the cloak and for just an instant we feel that we will turn to ash, but the scars and bruises are gone.

That moment when all knowing, we are a Child of God, he knows us by name, and loves us.

North Shore

I think of CS Lewis' remarks when he relates life to building a cottage only to find out that the Lord has different plans. He is tearing down walls and building a mansion.

I think of Nephi when he was building the boat "not after the manner of men".

Some Falls that starts with an "O" :)

We need to remember to "Lay aside the things of this world, and seek for the things of a better."

And I need to add a few more pictures from Kauai:)
xo Mommy

Cassidy - The Sacrament and the Atonement (Posted by Mom)

Sorry this is so small. I'm having problems copying it from email. Since people aren't posting, (Jamie's good), I'm going to post this. It's a talk Cassie gave last Sunday. I like it and it got me thinking and then writing my post. So I thought I'd post this first.


 “And it came to pass that Jesus commanded his disciples that they should bring forth some bread and wine unto him.

2. And while they were gone for bread and wine, he commanded the multitude that they should sit themselves down

upon the earth. 3. And when the disciples had come with bread and wine, he took of the bread and brake and blessed

it; and he gave unto the disciples and commanded that they should eat. 4. And when they had eaten and were filled, he

commanded that they should give unto the multitude. 5. And when the multitude had eaten and were filled, he said unto

the disciples: Behold there shall one be ordained among you, and to him will I give power that he shall break bread and

bless it and give it unto the people of my church, unto all those who shall believe and be baptized in my name. 6. And

this shall ye always observe to do, even as I have done, even as I have broken bread and blessed it and given it unto

you. 7. And this shall ye do in remembrance of my body, which I have shown unto you. And it shall be a testimony unto

the Father that ye do always remember me. And if ye do always remember me ye shall have my Spirit to be with you.”

Much of my talk will be based on Elder Hamula’s talk “The Sacrament and the Atonement,” Sister Esplin’s “The

Sacrament- A Renewal for the Soul,” both in this past general conference, and my own personal experiences. Every

week we come to church and partake of the sacrament. It is the only ordinance that we repeat every week. Sister

Esplin says, “The sacrament gives us an opportunity for introspection and an opportunity to turn our heart and will to

God.” Obviously it is extremely important, and yet, I struggle focusing my thoughts for those 10 min to be on the

Savior. My mind wanders and I have to catch myself and I try to regain my focus. Elder Hamula talks about what we

should focus on during the sacrament, “With torn and broken bread, we signify that we remember the physical body of

Jesus Christ - a body that was buffeted with pains, afflictions, and temptations of every kind... We signify our belief that

while that same body was laid to rest in death, it was raised again to life from the grave.” As I read that I thought, our

bodies are similar- all of us have been hurt our bodies have been torn, bleed, bruised and laden with burdens. I am not

trying to say that we have suffered what Christ has but we can try to understand the pain He suffered for us with our

own experiences because it was our pains that He felt. It is so easy to say that Christ has felt everything I am going

through; but, I am slowly beginning to see that it is time that I stop saying the words and start feeling them instead.

Even though we will hurt a lot in this life, we can know that despite the pain we will rise again. And after this rise we will

be brought back into our Father’s presence. Elder Hamula poses, “The fundamental question facing all of us in not

whether we will live but with whom we will live after we die. While every one of us will return to the presence of God,

not every one of us will remain with Him.” “The sacrament prepares us to ‘see the face of God, even the Father, and

live.”’ I do not want to meet Heavenly Father and think, “Shoot, question, did I take the sacrament last week? Did I take

the opportunity to be made clean for this moment? When I was given this talk, Brother Easly suggested that I take a

day to think about the Atonement and the sacrament- well I work at the temple and so I figured that would be the

perfect day to focus my thoughts. As I was helping people with the endowment session a very old lady came to me,

she couldn’t stop shaking and her voice shook as well. As she proceeded with the endowment her shaking slowly

stopped. Before she left me, we exchanged glances and both of us were teary eyed. She understood the temple, the

Atonement, and her attendance was a testimony and it shone bight. She honored her baptismal covenant and always

remembered Christ.

From the scriptures that I read (3 Nephi 18: 1-7) I want to focus on a few words that have caught my attention as I

have pondered the sacrament. Brake, Blessed, Gave, Filled, and Testimony. A quick mission story:

“The minutes tick by- my companion and I wait by the door. The day to see if our work will be paid off- will all the

people we committed to come to church be here? 5 till, its starting, we sit in the back to be able to spot our

investigators, less actives and recent converts so that if they do come they will not feel weird walking to the front. I

check the door and window every few seconds. The opening song ends and I peak during the prayer to welcome them

if they come... The doors close, I sit silently and tears fill my eyes. I scan the room my heart breaks as I realize how

many people I love are not getting the blessings they need. They needed this strength for the burdens their bodies will

face this week. How did Christ do it? Sorrow engulfs me, what more could I have done? I take the blessed bread and

scan the room and this time see something different- all the faces that are here. The strong members that have come

for years, the mom of a convert family of a few weeks coming while her husband is struggling because she knows

where she needs to be. The Spirit fills me. My heart is being made whole again because my Savior knows how I feel,

has felt this sorrow but He knows how to succor me and fill me as well. Filled with a renewed strength. I can handle

another week, I can stand as a testimony for Him, evern if it this bad.”

Every week we come here, but in what attitude are arriving? Sometimes I come and think myself strong enough that I

am doing okay; it is usually the days where my pride blinds me to the many ways I am broken. Then there are the days

where I recognize that I am a broken thing needing mending by my Maker. Those days are the ones that have been the

most meaningful . One day I will stand as a resurrected being before our Heavenly Father and remember all of the times

when I willingly rebelled and made dumb dumb choices. But, I hope that I will remember many more times when I came

to Him broken and humbled truly needing His healing more than anything. I will remember the many times He blessed

my life and He will fill me with hope and make me whole again; my testimony strengthened and in turn standing as a

testimony for Him to see that I never gave up but kept trying even through my mistakes. I know

Anniversary

So this last Tuesday, Jon and I celebrated our three year anniversary. He made reservations at a local bed and breakfast and dinner reservations at their restaurant (which is known for their bakery and has two sandwich places in town too. Their restaurant is a bit nicer though). Well we checked in, Jon left for work and I went home to pack an overnight bag for us and George. Then George and I hung out at the Inn and waited for Jon. It was very nice and we got George ready for dinner (dressed him up too) and got a bottle ready, just in case he got hungry too. We had a nice time and a nice breakfast in the morning too. We all have taken turns having a cold this week too.

A little about George: he's smiling more and trying to mimic basic sounds. He's also awake and alert more. He's good at tracking movement, as well. He's on the verge of baby laughter and is interacting more. He definitely does not like dirty diapers but loves bath time. We take occasional family baths and he likes floating, kicking, moving his head and trying to flip over (but he doesn't like drinking the water). His legs are getting strong and so is his back, his neck is just a little further behind- but his neck is still strong. With how big and strong and alert he is, we wonder if they had his due date wrong.

Spiritual thought: I went to our married student institute class this week (it was cold and George was still pretty congested, so we're limiting taking him out). They were talking about self-reliance. One person brought up the almost oxymoron that the church wants us to be self-reliant which depends on relying on Christ. They mentioned a few categories, including, health, education, career, social, emotional and spiritual well being. These are things we can focus on to become more self-reliant. They should also be priorities. So with last week's thoughts, I want to make sure I'm focusing on education, my health (so I can keep going and have energy for everything), make sure I stay emotionally and spiritually healthy as well as take care of my family. I have a few priorities set, but I really liked the lesson.  (It was from an institute manual... I can't remember which one, but on eternal marriage or families).

And now, of course, some pictures.  :)

I Know You Want To be Here, But I Feel Closer to You There

 

As you all know, Dad and I are in Kauai and Julie went to Provo/Idaho. I really wanted to be with my kids and Cassie really wanted to be back in Kauai.

I texted Cassie, "You must be homesick. Once again, we find ourselves emotionally tied and not together." Cassie had posted a message on the Kaleheo fb page. She texted "Everyone is excited to meet you!! Just have fun. I know you want to be here...But I feel closer to you with you there meeting the people that took care of me when I missed home."

I wonder if the Lord is preparing us for the future. I hope we can be together often and live close. I feel like I've sacrificed my whole life for that and want it so badly that it brings me to tears often (just ask Michelle, she's my "Crying Buddy" on this one:) ) But Cassie's words took on a deeper meaning, "I know you want to be here...But I feel closer to you with you there meeting the people that took care of me."

I think of Norma. We miss her. We know she would want to be here, but I also know that she has been close to you, even closer to you - when you are doing and going where you should be. I know she has been with Carly when she was in Argentina, I know she was with Cassie during her tough times, was helping Katie move away from the dark and towards the light as she went to her gravesite every month on the 19th. I'm sure she was with Danny when in stressful times he stops to watch a sporting event and realizes that Norma is there to cheer him on. I'm sure she is there when Julie gets into one of her creative moods and gets into a project, like she and Norma would play. And I'm sure she was there to witness George's birth, when I was not. Norma would want to be here with us, but she is actually closer now than she would be. It is a good thing.

It also brought Dad and I to tears, as one is rolling down now... as we went to church in Kaleheo, where Cassie spent the last 9 mos of her mission. So many love Sister Lang! I can't describe it. She made a difference. We were met with leis. People were excited. They were choked up and held back tears talking about her (and that was the men, as well as the sisters). The Bishop and others said that there will be generations that will know her name, that it will grow and will flow back to Sister Lang. He said that she is everything you would want a missionary to be. Thank you for raising such a wonderful girl, we heard over and over. They LOVED her!

To know that one of your children made such an impact on people's lives makes me feel something I can't really explain...it makes my life meaningful, like my whole life was spent to prepare this child for this one event and it was all worth it. If for that one child to have one moment like this - it gives all meaning and purpose to life. If there was nothing else - it would be enough. Enough that it brought Dad and I both to cry about it as we talked about the feelings we were feeling.

And then, to have 6 children who I know have done similar things (I know there are people in your missions that love you like they love Cassie) AND will continue to do these things, it makes me proud, but also completely humble. I feel slightly like John the Baptist when the Savior came to be baptized. I feel honored and humble, "the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to unloose."

Now, Carly may be thinking "I wish I didn't have to be a Traveling Sister" (or whatever they called you). Cassie has said how she wishes she learned another language. I know Danny and Jamie both loved their missions, but may be thinking that they wish things would have been different.  And I would be saying, "I wish I could have served" and "I want us all to be together often and to all live close", but what I know is that the Lord will guide us.

This is from Emily Beukers email this week.
God has a plan. A lot of things don't make sense at times but every time I have doubted God he has ended up being right in the end. There's a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Everything I have seen makes me trust the creator for everything I have not seen."

"I know you want to be here, but I feel closer to you there!" I'm grateful that we are close!

"You've got mail! "

I just wanted to say that this blog makes me eager like a small child on Christmas morning. I'm like a missionary waiting for mail. I really look forward to hearing what is happening with everyone, so much so that on Mondays I'm checking almost hourly (George willing) to see if anyone has posted anything new. Even if you didn't do much, it means a lot to me. I know everyone is busy, maybe print out your post and glue it in your journal for a personal record of your week, or something so you can kill two birds with one stone. I love you all and your posts are special to me.