I think I've been reflecting on things of the past, present and future.
I've thought about my life in joining the Church and where that road has taken me and the things I've learned. I was reading a talk from Boyd K. Packer and he was talking about his conversion. He said, "Much of what I have come to know falls into the category of things which cannot be taught but can be learned." I have learned so many things - God exists. He lives, he loves me. His son is Jesus Christ, who is my Savior and through him I can return home. The Holy Ghost testifies of these truths and many more. He comforts and guides. He is the member of the Godhead that makes it possible to know things that our bodies cannot otherwise know. I am a Child of God and he knows me. He loves me. He wants to give me everything he has.I've thought of the present - I have such wonderful children and we were all together. I am so proud of all of you and don't tell you that enough. I am so grateful for the love that we share and the testimonies that we have. We didn't do anything special and I miss the days when we just "hung out" and you guys played video games all day (and I got mad at you and thought you should be doing something else). It was fun to have the girls come home New Year's eve and come up to my room to "check in". We stayed up until 2:00 I think, just talking. We didn't do a lot, and I was feeling a little bad about it. It was nice to hear from Jamie and Cassie in her blog, how nice it was to just "Be Home". It was nice and it did touch my heart, especially on Christmas morning. Thank you for being kind and loving to my parents. Grandma called the other day just to say thank you for the card. I assured her it wasn't me - it was you kids. Thank you.
And I think of the future and where I need to go. I am always taking care of everyone else and I know I need to take care of myself. This week I realized that I hold myself back because I don't take care of myself. I have a misconception that if I do take care of myself then I will be selfish, or I won't be fully following the Lord if I don't give my absolute all to someone else, each day. I know that it is not worldly. Just like I want you guys to take care of yourself, I need to take care of myself. I need to love myself more. I need to be the priority. I can let some things go and give myself the time and not feel guilty. (of course when I was reading this over I thought of Maren and had to text her to see if she needs help packing). I need to overcome my struggles and it will be hard and no one really understands, but it doesn't matter. I need to not quit because it's hard or that one thing isn't working. I need to not get discouraged when something doesn't work, but realize that there are other things to try. I need to be patient. I need to be patient...and listen. The new year is exciting and I feel ready.