This week was hard for me. The first week back in school after the mission. I missed Hawaii so much- it was a place and an environment where I felt comfortable. Here I felt out of place- out of touch with old friends even when I saw them. I missed my family and ohanas! Moments of doubts- truly fancying the idea of running away back to Hawaii. Breathe- you got through the hard parts of a mission- you can get through this- it will just take time. I saw plenty of people that I new prior to the mission: Michael- a kid I went on one date with back in freshman year; a person I meet served in Peru and then walked me home; Cam and Vladi from Jerusalem took to me out to talk and catch up; Channing a random kid I asked to go on a date with me, Danny, Michelle, and others. It was all good moments but all ending feeling awkward. Moments where I felt me again were with Sister Duke, Curtis, and Marshal - they understood. They wanted to cry but were trying to be strong too. They still took their shoes off at the front door, said weird things, and peel because the air here hurts. By Sunday- I was not excited for church to say the least. I called Ace (a convert who has moved to Long Beach and gone less active) and told him that we both needed to go even though we didn't want to because we knew no one and it wasn't home. He said he would go. I messaged a few other families and wished them a happy sabbath. Found a friend from Hawaii on fb and sent him a message. I wished I was there.
Church came and went. I tried to like it here but I didn't. I missed people saying aloha and waiting for a response- I missed little kids running up to me to give me a hug and then patiently wait until after the sacrament to draw in my journal. I missed being needed. I missed a lot and my attitude was just that focused on what wasn't mine anymore. Ward prayer that night became my own personal miracle. Walking there thoughts- too many people, wow is everyone here a fake blonde covered with way too much makeup, okay so those must be the football players because they are swarmed by all the girls. I am def loosing this fashion show and I dont even care... Amy, Kennedy and I sit on the back couch and feel a bit out of place- loner boy next to us with a hackie sac- announcements, some weird spiritual thought about a movie I have never seen, pray. Burst into loud noises, obnoxious giggles as everyone puts on their best behavior to impress anyone and everyone. Roommates stand up we talk for a sec they make a comment about how its clicky and we need an in to be able to talk to so and so... well we have 2 options people: sit and wait for someone to come talk to us (not a high probability of it happening) or we can go talk to them... loner kid (no i didnt actually call him that mom...;)) "Hi, Im Cassie. I haven't met you. Who are you?" blah blah blah. He hates people- I like him! I think he started warming up to us by the end of our 10 min conversation! Success 2 new friends- Cameron and Carlos. Im thirsty and there are cookies over there so of course I go and get some :) Tall handsome guy- he must be the football player- I walk away to go get water- come back he is still standing by my roommates and they are saying noting. Okay here it goes. "Hi, Im Cassie! Who are you?" blah blah blah... conversation ends- he leaves- and my roommates are ecstatic that they talked to him and he might remember their names... Your welcome.
I am a returned missionary. I learned how to just talk to people and at the beginning of the week I felt awkward- I didn't know what to say. I still dont' but I have learned to just embrace the awkwardness! So what if I say something wrong. Who cares if I am that girl that always says, "On my mission..." Well guess what that is all I have been doing for the last 18 months and so ya that is what I am going to talk about. And guess what else- I want to stay awkward if that means that I get to keep sharing the gospel with others- if I get to keep feeling the Spirit like I did- if I get to keep being filled with love because I am extending it first. I like giving love and being loved. With that I love you! Alofa iate oe! Mahal kita! Poake poake yuk! Aishiteru! Narong heo! Ofa atu! Arohanui! Aloha wau ia oe!
Love Always,
Cassidy Jean Lang
Church came and went. I tried to like it here but I didn't. I missed people saying aloha and waiting for a response- I missed little kids running up to me to give me a hug and then patiently wait until after the sacrament to draw in my journal. I missed being needed. I missed a lot and my attitude was just that focused on what wasn't mine anymore. Ward prayer that night became my own personal miracle. Walking there thoughts- too many people, wow is everyone here a fake blonde covered with way too much makeup, okay so those must be the football players because they are swarmed by all the girls. I am def loosing this fashion show and I dont even care... Amy, Kennedy and I sit on the back couch and feel a bit out of place- loner boy next to us with a hackie sac- announcements, some weird spiritual thought about a movie I have never seen, pray. Burst into loud noises, obnoxious giggles as everyone puts on their best behavior to impress anyone and everyone. Roommates stand up we talk for a sec they make a comment about how its clicky and we need an in to be able to talk to so and so... well we have 2 options people: sit and wait for someone to come talk to us (not a high probability of it happening) or we can go talk to them... loner kid (no i didnt actually call him that mom...;)) "Hi, Im Cassie. I haven't met you. Who are you?" blah blah blah. He hates people- I like him! I think he started warming up to us by the end of our 10 min conversation! Success 2 new friends- Cameron and Carlos. Im thirsty and there are cookies over there so of course I go and get some :) Tall handsome guy- he must be the football player- I walk away to go get water- come back he is still standing by my roommates and they are saying noting. Okay here it goes. "Hi, Im Cassie! Who are you?" blah blah blah... conversation ends- he leaves- and my roommates are ecstatic that they talked to him and he might remember their names... Your welcome.
I am a returned missionary. I learned how to just talk to people and at the beginning of the week I felt awkward- I didn't know what to say. I still dont' but I have learned to just embrace the awkwardness! So what if I say something wrong. Who cares if I am that girl that always says, "On my mission..." Well guess what that is all I have been doing for the last 18 months and so ya that is what I am going to talk about. And guess what else- I want to stay awkward if that means that I get to keep sharing the gospel with others- if I get to keep feeling the Spirit like I did- if I get to keep being filled with love because I am extending it first. I like giving love and being loved. With that I love you! Alofa iate oe! Mahal kita! Poake poake yuk! Aishiteru! Narong heo! Ofa atu! Arohanui! Aloha wau ia oe!
Love Always,
Cassidy Jean Lang