This week has been simple, good, and touched with miracles. A quiet birthday but I didn't mind. Going to dinner with Eden and Dakota- a few people came over on Friday and it was what I needed. My friend, Vladi took me out to ice-cream on Monday! A little get together with mission people I didn't know. Seeing people her and there keeps me going. Meeting a girl that has family in my ward in Kauai. Being social even when I would just rather stay in the apartment. Finally getting a hold of a marshales family after trying 5 numbers that have all been disconnected. Realizing that the best part of a mission wasn't being apart of building their faith but was finally understanding that my faith was growing because of their action. My whole purpose was to help them, strengthen them, make suer that when they fell they could get back up again. I see now that they strengthened me so much more than I eve realized. No longer do I see them everyday- no longer am I working with someone that closely everyday. I went to the Ogden Temple Rededication yesterday and cried as I thought of all the people that don't have a temple. Here in Utah we have how many? I know that people use them and so they are needed but what about all of the people that can't go because its too far, too expensive, or is life threatening. No sacrifice is too great to receive the blessings of the temple. Then President Monson spoke and said, "It is in the temple that we find purpose."
What is the point of honesty? I have taken to being a bit like dad - if it isn't good news there is no point in bringing it up. Yes I am psychoanalytical with me usually being the person of observation. I am constantly wondering why I do what I do; what are my motives or what are my fears? Sometimes I say, "I am fine." because if I talk then Ill cry- and I dont want to cry yet. I know I will be fine but for now I am dealing with stuff I dont want to. I am here because Heavenly Father told me I had to be- not because I want to be. Ya school is great- I like my classes- its fun seeing my friends and making new ones and I am supposed to be here BUT that does not mean that I want to be here. Sometimes I dont even care if I go back to Hawaii- what I miss the most is a purpose that isn't mine. I just want to graduate and go work for an orphanage and help someone. I hate the fact that school has to come first. I hear of an internship that goes to Africa and want to go because its not here- its not about me. I have a friend in Bolivia that works with children that have been abandoned because their parents couldn't take care of them and I want to go and help. No offense Provo, but you don't need me- I am just one of the many here that have a strong testimony, is a good person, and reaches out to the one. Honesty is hard when you don't even know what you are feeling- one moments everything is fine the next is crying. Yes, I am fine I am just trying to figure out myself, again. So for now, I feel a bit lost- I feel like I am facing and walking in the right direction; but, what am I striving for? I don't know. What I do know is that if the prophet says the temple will help me find purpose then to the temple I will go. I don't know where this major will take me or what I will end up doing with my life- if I will stay here in the US or if I will be needed somewhere else. I guess I will keep walking until Heavenly Father tells me to stop, turn, or until I reach where He has always intended me to be.
Love Always,
Cassidy Lang
What is the point of honesty? I have taken to being a bit like dad - if it isn't good news there is no point in bringing it up. Yes I am psychoanalytical with me usually being the person of observation. I am constantly wondering why I do what I do; what are my motives or what are my fears? Sometimes I say, "I am fine." because if I talk then Ill cry- and I dont want to cry yet. I know I will be fine but for now I am dealing with stuff I dont want to. I am here because Heavenly Father told me I had to be- not because I want to be. Ya school is great- I like my classes- its fun seeing my friends and making new ones and I am supposed to be here BUT that does not mean that I want to be here. Sometimes I dont even care if I go back to Hawaii- what I miss the most is a purpose that isn't mine. I just want to graduate and go work for an orphanage and help someone. I hate the fact that school has to come first. I hear of an internship that goes to Africa and want to go because its not here- its not about me. I have a friend in Bolivia that works with children that have been abandoned because their parents couldn't take care of them and I want to go and help. No offense Provo, but you don't need me- I am just one of the many here that have a strong testimony, is a good person, and reaches out to the one. Honesty is hard when you don't even know what you are feeling- one moments everything is fine the next is crying. Yes, I am fine I am just trying to figure out myself, again. So for now, I feel a bit lost- I feel like I am facing and walking in the right direction; but, what am I striving for? I don't know. What I do know is that if the prophet says the temple will help me find purpose then to the temple I will go. I don't know where this major will take me or what I will end up doing with my life- if I will stay here in the US or if I will be needed somewhere else. I guess I will keep walking until Heavenly Father tells me to stop, turn, or until I reach where He has always intended me to be.
Love Always,
Cassidy Lang