This Week..... From everyone coming home and some not ever being able to get home (Jamie) and then everyone leaving, but not everyone because Juju is still in school and school starting and the emotions of EVERYTHING that has happened over the past two years, AND then knowing that there is so much happening in the future (and some in the near future with becoming a grandma) I was emotionally spent. THEN with Grandpa going into the hospital and thinking everything was going to work out and then have it turn and wanting Rachel to get home from the Philippines and Julie to get here from Texas and then thinking we wouldn't get permission to bring him home and then that he wouldn't survive the trip home to now he is home....I feel like I was in a whirlwind that got sucked into another whirlwind!
I have felt love, love from my Heavenly Father when he somehow makes things work out when I know I was not in control or even capable of controlling (which I love to do). I have felt love as my husband in a moment of frustration when I just needed to vent starts talking like he understands and so many times he doesn't and I get even more frustrated and alone says just what I needed to hear to give me comfort. I have felt grateful, grateful for so many things - just getting through each day and not getting discouraged or depressed, Grandpa, Danny's cancellation, hearing Katie say "I love it here Mom" (which makes me full of joy and an ounce of sad), and having you guys call me and let me know what's going on or feeling connected through texts. Grateful that Jamie's insurance went through, that even though I didn't do much for Cassie's birthday on Monday I was able to share with her how much I love her. Grateful that my husband is ok with me not accomplishing much each day, even though I've been busy all day and I'm exhausted. I have been so grateful - everything I have wanted I have gotten and now because I want more, I want to be grateful and humble for all that I've been given.
As I've said to Grandpa "I need you to tell one more boy to turn his life around, like you have so many others, including my son"; I want George to turn and be in the correct position to deliver. I want Jon to get the news that he can have his Priesthood reinstated. I know the Lord is waiting to give us blessings if only we qualify ourselves. My job is to qualify myself. I have fasted today for that purpose. Obedience brings blessings, but exact obedience brings miracles. I am working very hard to have that. I want to love like I've been loved, see good when the bad may be staring me in the face and have one thing more... a grateful heart.
How can something hard be so Great? Really?!!! We have done so many hard things and they've all be great. I am grateful for those hard things that have brought be great joy. Rachel spoke in the YSA Ward today and I went because I know from you guys that you share different things and I wanted to hear about her mission. It also makes me so proud of my children who have served missions - and proud of all of us for the support we all have given each other. Anyways in her talk she shared a scripture. (I didn't remember and how Dad remembers when he's always half asleep, he amazes me). It is John 3:30, "He must increase, but I must decrease." Gosh, I just loved that! He must increase. "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." And then... I MUST decrease. Decrease because he fills my soul and stretches and heals my heart and as I decrease I find that I am more like him and less like the world. He is there with me and in me and beside me. It's been a hard week and it's been a great week! And this next week will be GREAT!
xo Mommy